All-in-one (night)

I am not sure how you managed, but my bed smells more like you after one night than it ever has of me. We didn't even have sex. Still, I can smell your smooth, brown skin, Mr. Dapper.

After sharing breakfast at the most popular scenester diner in the neighbourhood - where I picked at my sausages and found excuses to touch you under the table - we parted ways. I have no idea when I'll see you again. I think perhaps I have finally learned to stop waiting. Upon returning home, the other lover (and I hate that word) - the one actually into me - emailed to ask if he can drop off a gift - an art piece. I had to say no. It just didn't seem appropriate.

Then, I received a long-distance phone call. I thought it was my Argentinean lover. I've been avoiding answering his question. The one he asks by not asking it. By not asking anything anymore. Is there any point in continuing our unlikely, intercontinental love affair? No.

So, I took a deep breath and answered the phone. When I heard the voice, my legs simultaneously melted and combusted. It was my ex-boyfriend - the one of seven years - hoping to make amends. To apologize for his meanness during the break-up, and (because it can never be that easy) to confront me about whether a rumour he'd heard was true.

Was it true that I'd slept with a friend of his when he moved away, as said friend had claimed during the Christmas holidays? No! I mean, sure we were "hanging out" for a week, sometimes with little clothing, but there was no sex. I drew the line. What an asshead to lie about an issue that was so sensitive already. What a slimeball to choose ego over friendship. What a jerk to bring it up as though it was still happening when I'd dropped his hot potato months ago.

From morning to night, they all contacted me, knowing nothing of the others. The sex that never was. The love lost. The love that can't be. The one I want.

I need to sleep off this emotional hangover, but my pillow...ugh...it still smells exactly like you. Not cologne or shampoo. Like warm, clean skin. I love it/I hate it, because you are the one not thinking about me.